“Patience is a virtue Haylei…” is what I have been told as I have been impatiently waiting to receive my Call to Serve. Ugh. I don’t have patience, I never have. At least not in this area. I HATE waiting.
So just in case you forgot, I have been waiting FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS for my call!!!! That is FOREVER in my mind. Especially considering I wanted to be gone before school even started this year! I can at least log in to my ldsmail account, so that is good news! I just want my call already. And today after checking the mailbox every 15 minutes and finding out the mailman never came, I guess you could say I’m pretty sad and disappointed. BUT lets reflect and apply this…
If we are really counting, I have been waiting 10 MONTHS for my call. I started my paperwork in October and they were finally submitted to Salt Lake on July 9! YIKES. That is a long time. It has been the most discouraging, frustrating, sad, and exciting 10 months ever. I’ve pretty much felt every emotion possible these last 10 months. I’ve cried every tear my body could. I didn’t love it. I wanted to give up. I didn’t want to do all this work! No one else I knew had to!
I struggle with anxiety and depression. I havent been dealt the easiest of cards, but they are not the hardest either. Just right now they are hard for me. When I finally was confident enough to ask Bishop if I could start papers, Heavenly Father gently grabbed my hand and pulled me in a different direction. So instead of asking to start papers, I was asking Bishop for the number of an lds counselor. WHAT. No, counseling was great. I think everybody should do it! I liked my counselor. Her being lds made ALL the difference. Some of my most spiritual experiences came from inside her office while I laid crying on her couch. Seriously. Try it. BUT lets get back to the point.
I didn’t love counseling at first. I was frustrated. I was angry at myself. I was angry that I let myself get to a point where I couldn’t do anything. I was angry that I couldn’t fix myself. I thought I was weak and broken and I was mad. But I knew it was where I was supposed to be. I had to do a lot of hard work. My counselor would constantly say, “Haylei, we are a LOT a like. So that’s why im gonna push you. YOU can do hard things. I know it.” Which is a huge confidence booster except for the fact that I was going to have to actually WORK if I wanted to change and start mission papers. BOO. I don’t like work!
It wasn’t the kind of work that could be done in a week, a day, or overnight. This was months of work. Where I had to do something every day. It was SO hard. It was so discouraging not being able to see instant results. I wanted to change but I wanted to change NOW. I didn’t want to wait a week let alone 10 months. But now that I am here and waiting for my call, I am grateful for these last 10 months. So what does patience have to do with this?
Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.
Once I realized that my life’s timetable wasn’t up to me, and that it was in Heavenly Fathers hands I started to learn a little about patience. I had to understand that I would serve a mission. That was guaranteed! “If ye have the desires to serve, ye are called to the work.” I was promised that. I knew eventually I would get to that point, but that Heavenly Father had some other plans for me in the meantime.
No it wasn’t school or work. It wasn’t anything exciting. It really was counseling! He wanted me to work on myself. He wanted me to love myself as He loves me. He wanted me to take time and grieve for the losses in my life. He wanted me to gain some life experience. He wanted me to be patient as He was preparing people for me to teach, to get to know, and to love.
I have had to learn to accept the fact that I am not in control. That Heavenly Father has a plan for me. It has been a humbling experience as I’ve had to kneel in prayer asking what to do next. I was prompted earlier this year to move away from friends and family for a month. It was scary and sad. I didn’t like the goodbyes. I didn’t quite understand how this was going to help me, and my friends didn’t understand either. But I knew that I should, and I did. Over the course of the month, I drew closer to my Savior and Father in Heaven. I read my scriptures, and actually studied them! I sincerely prayed every night to help take away my sadness and anxiety. And the best part? I finally took the time to study and apply the Atonement to my life.
Let me tell you, the Atonement is amazing! What an amazing wonderful feeling it is to know that I am NEVER alone. Even though I feel it, I have a Savior who has felt every pain I have felt and will feel. I am so grateful for his Atoning Sacrifice and the peace it brings me. Especially now as I am preparing for this new adventure in my life.
Don’t mistake God’s patience for His absence. His timing is perfect and His presence is constant. He’s always with you
My patriarchal blessing talks about being patient as I wait for other blessings to happen in my life. I laughed at it the day I got it, and I still laugh at it! I am a lot of things…but one thing I am NOT, is patient. It has been a trying experience to fully put my faith and trust in the Lord. But, it has been the best thing ever.
So, today is 5 1/2 weeks of waiting for my Call to Serve. I am relieved every time I open the mailbox because I am so nervous of serving. BUT it is what I am supposed to do. I feel it, I know it! I am excited, I really am! But the fear of the unknown is a little worry-some. But one thing I am absolutely sure of is that we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows us personally. I have felt His love and warm embrace countless times. He is real. He has a plan for us. He is waiting for us to come to Him for guidance. I know that this gospel is true and I am grateful for how it has impacted my life. For the power of prayer and plan of Salvation. I know it is true. I know He listens. I know families are eternal. I love the quote that says “If he brought you to it, He will bring you through it!” Trust in the Lord. Be patient in His timing, and be patient with yourself.
The world according to me 