I only put this title because of the “Turn Around…” part of the song haha. If you’re cool you will get it!
In February this year I wrecked my car. It was probably the fifth worst day of my life. I probably cried a lot longer than I should, and I was more upset with myself than I should have been.
I was driving along Bell Road (I HATE bell road! I’ve gotten 3 flat tires, and into 2 accidents on Bell!) with my nieces in the car. I was kinda having a bad day because I was trying to get mission papers done and there was a mis-communication..blah blah blah. SO I picked up my nieces and we were headed to the mall. For a SPLIT second I turned to look at Genavieve. Suddenly she was yelling STOP STOP and boom crash. I was only going like 15 mph, but the size of the car in front of me was ginormous and my tiny car went up under theirs. We were totally fine, a little soar and shaken up, but I was like “holy crap. What did I just do!” I was scared to call Mom and tried putting it off for as long as possible. We were all crying at this point. I called and was like “Mom! Dont be mad! Dont be mad!” 20 minutes later my brother is there to pick us up.
I had the hardest time with this accident. I never thought I could do something like that! I don’t want to say I think or thought I was perfect cause I’m not. But when I got in that accident Satan was filling my head with nasty terrible lies. “How could you mess up? How could you ruin your car?” I cried all weekend. I even missed church!! I never miss church, but that Sunday I decided I was going to wallow in self pity. And I did. And it was terrible.
I understand now that this car accident was for a reason. I was very hung up on my car, and was not willing to part with it! It was my first car!!! If I hadn’t totaled my car, I would have never gone to Texas and I certainly would not be going on a mission now! My car was my freedom, my life!
So I leave in 4 days. I have been trying to pack and put outfits together today. I turned off the Justin Timberlake that was blasting, and put on my missionary ipod. I have this beautiful medley of Nearer My God to Thee on there, and played that fifteen times in a row. THERE IT WAS. The tears just started flowing. I leave in 4 days. I am so nervous. I don’t feel inadequate, and I am not nervous to meet new people..I LOVE people! I am nervous that I won’t be able to do it. That I will fail.
I was reading a conference talk last night that spoke about Lot’s wife. She “looked back” and turned into a pillar of salt. I never fully understood this story in the scriptures! So she turned back! Whats the big deal?! Maybe she heard something? Maybe she forgot something! Maybe she had to crack her neck!
A more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.
What a punch to the stomach! But how absolutely perfect! It describes me perfectly right now! I am hesitant and sad about leaving. I may not be involved in sports, school, or college, but life is going pretty great! How could I possibly give this up?
I just sat with my aunt and talked about this talk. How often do we “look back” without even realizing it! How often do we want to do what WE want to do and not what Heavenly Father wants us to do?!
Today I am struggling. I have been a baby all day. And I am pretty sure these next few days are going to be filled with tears as well.
All men have their fears but those who face their fears with faith have courage as well
My friend has this “100 questions” thing in her car for long trips filled with awkward silences. I flipped it open and asked her one ,it said “Who is the most courageous person you know, and why?” I instantly thought of people from the scriptures, Nephi or Joseph Smith! Her answer? Her answer still brings tears to my eyes. “You Haylei. Serving this mission is going to be the hardest, most courageous thing you will do.”
I love the subject of courage. It has meant so much to me. It has helped me through my darkest days, and I continue to pray for courage every day. A mission is hard work. I am aware of that. I don’t expect it to be easy. Saying goodbye is hard too. And I am seriously struggling in that department! After reading this talk, “The Best is Yet to Be” I have come to understand that like Lot’s wife, we all lack faith. Not always, but we do. Instead of putting my trust in the Lord and having faith that He will provide for me. That He will give me nothing I cannot handle, I have listened to Satan. I have let him convince me that this is going to be too much work, and too hard and that it is not worth it.
Remember Lot’s wife. Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come.”
I have come a long way this last year, and I am not stopping now. This talk has seriously helped me and I encourage you all to read it. I know that I am to serve a mission, and that makes me so happy. I want others to have this gospel in their life! To have Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to rely on and to turn to! It has been ultimately the only thing that has kept me here!
I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know that He has prepared people for me to teach! And I know that there are people that I need to meet. I believe everyone I have met has been for a reason. You have all strengthened my testimony in one way or another!
Do not let what is hard stop you, ever. Could you imagine if we all gave up whenever the going got tough? I am grateful for 9 year old me who realized that the way I was feeling was not okay. I am so grateful I reached out and was able to get out of that sadness I was stuck in.
Life isn’t easy, but through Christ all things are possible. I believe it. I know it. I’ve lived it.
If we have Faith in Jesus Christ the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing
The world according to me 