All you need is love

Y’all! I have officially been home a MONTH! That is insane in the membrane! That means my homies in the MJM are heading home in 2 weeks! Crazy!

Coming home was hard. I don’t know if I said that before, but it was hecka hard. It still is. Normal life is NOTHING like the mission life. There is nothing to do, at least not right now. It’s hard coming home and all you wanna do is talk about your mission but not very many people wanna sit and listen! A mission is the best, and I miss it terribly. I maybe just wanna cry sometimes just thinking about it….

We learned about adversity today in relief society. That is adversity, not to be confused with adversary. I was confused for a little part of the conversation until it dawned on me that she was talking trials, not Satan. Which I suppose they are all the same in the long-run, but anyways! We talked about trials and how terrible they are, and come in different shapes and sizes. Pre mission Haylei was a bitter ball when it came to trials. I don’t believe they are fair, nor needed either. Especially not the major trials in my life. I feel like I should have been given a chance to learn Christ like qualities in a different way. As ladies continued to share experiences today it really made me reflect on these last 18 months as a missionary. I met a lot of people. From every different walk of life you can imagine. Some didn’t wanna hear my message, some weren’t even part of any church, but I loved them. I wanted to be their friend. I wanted to help them see their potential. I wanted them to know Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ loved them.

I made some of my greatest friends on my  mission. With companions and members and converts. Heavenly Father truly blessed me with wonderful experiences. He knew who I needed to meet, and who would help me. It wasn’t until today in RS how much my mission helped me with my trials. Like I said, I used to be pretty bitter and depressed when it came to my trials. And that didn’t stop on my mission. I would still get pretty upset when anniversaries came around, or other family situations happened. BUT, it wouldn’t last long because I knew I had to focus on being a missionary, not Haylei. As I went to others houses and got to know them, I got to hear their trials. I had the privelage to learn why they are they way they are. What they had to go through to be where they’re at now! I didn’t compare trials, because I don’t believe in doing that. We are all given specific trials for a reason. But I did listen and love them. It strengthened my testimony of the gospel and of our Savior the more I listened to their heartaches, woes, and little victories.

“When the difficulties of mortality humble us and refine us and teach us and bless us, they can be powerful instruments in the hands of God to make us better people, to make us more grateful, more loving, and more considerate of other people in their own times of difficulty.”

I couldn’t always relate to what the people were going through. I at least tried to see them through Christs eyes. And that made all the difference. It allowed me to forget myself and my troubles and focus on how to help them. Pre mission Haylei had helium hand when it came to talking about trials with other people but today, I just sat back and listened as others shared their stories! There was no judging, just compassion and a flood of memories from my mission of all the countless times I let others just talk and share and I just listened.

I learned today that my trials that I once thought would paralyze me forever, no longer do. I didn’t have helium hand, I just awkwardly laughed at myself of pre mission Haylei to post mission Haylei. My trials do not control me! Of course I am still going to have sad days, and times where it feels like my heart is breaking, but that’s all it is. A moment. It will pass. I love that. I love that I can finally say I feel free from the trials in my life. They unfortunately aren’t trials that can just go away, but that’s okay. Reaching outside myself and truly focusing on others blessed me more than just a warm feeling or seeing their happy faces. It blessed me in that I am free. I feel like Genie from Aladdin! Not having those cuffs around my wrists is a wonderful feeling!

So, love others as you love yourself. Reach outside your trials and LOVE others. That was my favorite thing about my mission, getting to love others and they not be weirded out! It’s just expected of missionaries to be happy and love everything. And I did!  I am so grateful for my mission and how it blessed me in ways I didn’t even think were possible! I am so grateful Heavenly Father blessed me with the people He did!

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom!”