Dear God,

Almost one week ago I received a dreaded phone call. Can you relate? The phone call that makes your heart stop, and then the tears pour out of your eyes? All that was said on the other end was to “come quick.”

It’s incredible to see how much God has a hand in our lives. Just when I started to think He was distracted by others of more importance, He put His arms around me and reassured me. I wasn’t supposed to come home for two more weeks. Heavenly Father knew I was needed at home. He knew that in order for me to fully and properly grieve, I needed to come home and say my goodbyes. The night before I flew home I received a priesthood blessing. Remember what those are? Priesthood is the power and authority to act in Gods name. Two worthy men placed their hands on my head, and through the power of God, told me what God wanted me to hear. It was beautiful, incredible and spiritual. I was blessed to make it home in time to say goodbye. Time was limited, and it has finally happened. Heaven gained another wonderful, beautiful, talented, funny Craig family member. Apparently they’re really important and needed up there, more than they are here.

Have you ever stopped and thought about that? We know that there is no Heaven or Hell. We know that God is merciful and loving and has given us another chance. I know that my Grampa has joined my Dad in learning of Christ. Can you imagine the reunion they must be having? Not to mention every other person that has passed? What a beautiful image, but not at all comforting. Not to those left behind.

Grief is a powerful and confusing emotion. In the last week I think I’ve experienced every stage in the grieving process, and now we are starting on round two. Anger was yesterday, but I’m blessed to say that one doesn’t linger too long. But the depression? Bargaining? Those ones like to hang out more than they’re welcome.

God has provided a plan for us, and because we are on this earth, we once agreed to follow Him. I trust in His plan. It has changed my life, and does in fact bring me comfort in my sorrows. But for me, there is no such thing as comfort during grief.

In church today we discussed being positive and optimistic. Someone shared how when they get negative they say, “I could have it worse.” Lets be clear, that is the dumbest phrase of my life. That is comparing, and comparison is the thief of joy. You can not have something worse, or you’d already be experiencing it. Does that make sense? My best friend lost her Dad too, but if you ask her she will say that it was not the hardest thing she’s gone through. For me? It absolutely 100% is the hardest thing I’ll ever go through. Don’t compare, and don’t ever say “you could have it worse.” You were given the life you live for a reason. Sure, certain choices bring different consequences, but you cannot have it worse. You were given everything for a reason.

God knows and loves us. He does. But having a personal relationship with Him doesn’t mean bad things wont happen. I wish that’s all it took! He prepared me for this loss long before I realized his life was coming to an end. He gave me a spiritual weekend in New York. But, I really think it goes back even further than that. He blessed me with a mission, and with the knowledge of how important families really are. Everything I’ve ever done, was done through Gods love. And amidst the grief and pain I feel, I feel of His love.

Cancer sucks. Death sucks. Sickness in all its varieties are crap. Having regrets suck. Satan sucks. Goodbyes suck. Being in pain sucks. Having to pray for your loved one to die because they’re suffering, sucks. Holding the hand of someone who is now lifeless, sucks. Having to sit at the headstone of your Dad, sucks. Watching loved ones grieve, sucks.

Life is beautiful. Tender mercies are all around us. Memories are wonderful, but sometimes painful. The spirit is incredible. Hugs are amazing. Ice cream on a sad day is also amazing. Having an amazing person in your life who loved you always, is an indescribable feeling.

I titled this “Dear God” because I think so many of us have things we want to say to Him, yet we dont. I learned in high school to talk to God like He was sitting on the edge of my bed. Picturing Him there has forever changed my relationship with Him. He is real, He loves you. He understands and hurts when you hurt. I have a lot of things I want to say to Him. A lot of what I have to say will be spent crying and fighting through uncontrollable sobs, but I also have a lot of thanks. Thanks for giving me the amazing people He has. What do you have to say to God? The good, the bad, the happy and the sad. He wants to hear it all. He loves us. He wants us to trust Him and turn to Him. In the best of times, and the worst.

My Grampa was not a religious man, at least not to my knowledge. It was beautiful today after he had officially passed, when a cousin said to us that within the last few months he had started to pray. I don’t believe it was him crying out in fear. I believe it was him feeling the spirit through personal prayers, temple prayers, and priesthood blessings. It made my heart happy, just a tad! He was a wonderful man. A man who had great hair until the day he died. A man who cheered me on at every basketball game, and fought for me to get on the court. A man who could cook like a God. Do Gods cook? Probably not. A man who had so much love to give, and told you how much he loved you every time you saw him. He was incredible, and quite the stud back in his day. He was a hard worker. Most importantly to me, he was my fill in Dad. Days after my Dad died, I called and talked to him and he knew exactly what to say. He was patient through my suffering and anxiety attacks. He loved and never judged. My heart breaks knowing that  I haven’t just lost a Grampa, I really did lose another Dad.

Hold on to your loved ones. Tell them you love them, even if its annoying. Ask them questions and get them to tell you stories. Make them feel loved. Serve them. Don’t be afraid of letting your emotions show. Treat everyday like it’s your last.

I hope you pray, write, sing whatever your “Dear God’s” tonight. Talk to Him and let Him in. He loves you.